have you ever felt so damn helpless before. like how you desperately wanna help someone, but you cant because you dont know how. not even a single clue.

working with her, like they said, was an experience. i've never encountered someone like her. i thought i'd never ever have to face such situations. i thought it'd only happen to others. but obviously i was wrong.

so she left last week. honestly i felt relieved because i dont have to deal with the struggles of confusion and helplessness. and yes that's a real selfish thought. i feel so inadequate. i feel like a bad friend. and guess what, her dad called and spoke to me today. i won't write what he said, but that conversation really left me in a state of shock. He didnt scold me or anything, no harsh words were exchanged, no verbal abuse and so forth. It was a normal conversation coming from a father, whom i really think he's a really nice guy. then when everything ended, i felt as though my own self created world bubble burst and the beautiful mirage i forged disappeared. it was really bad. so bad that my body was literally trembling.

felt as though like everything just hits you like a bullet train. you finally comprehend what they all always say.

then i realised i'm so not ready to face this world.
too many complications. too much emotions. too scary.

i need a hug so badly now.